The Stories We Tell Ourselves: Uncovering the Core Beliefs That Shape Your Life

We all have them those deep-down, often unspoken beliefs that shape how we see ourselves, other people, and the world around us.

They live beneath the surface of our thoughts, quietly influencing how we think, feel, and show up. And most of the time? We don’t even realize they’re running the show.

These are called core beliefs and they’re powerful.

They form early in life, usually without us knowing it. Maybe you learned to believe that you had to be perfect to be loved. Or that people can't be trusted. Or that your worth comes from how much you achieve. These beliefs become the lens through which you interpret your experiences. They become the story you live inside of even if that story was never true to begin with.

What Are Core Beliefs, Really?

Core beliefs are your brain’s way of making sense of your early experiences. They’re like internal rules or assumptions about how the world works, who you are, and what’s possible for you. And while they may have helped you survive in childhood, they often start to hurt you in adulthood.

Here’s the kicker: most core beliefs are not facts. They’re interpretations based on a child's perspective, without the full picture.

But your nervous system doesn’t know the difference. So when your core belief is something like “I’m not good enough” or “If I don’t hold it all together, everything will fall apart,” your body reacts as if that belief is law.

And because of something called confirmation bias, we tend to collect evidence that supports our beliefs while filtering out anything that contradicts them. So the belief gets reinforced. Again and again.

The Trouble with “I’m Just a Perfectionist…”

Many of us don’t even know what our core beliefs are because they get buried under layers of personality, habits, and coping strategies.

For example:

• “I’m not good enough” might get masked by “I’m just Type A.”

• “I don’t feel safe with people” might show up as “I’m just shy.”

But here’s the truth: the perfectionism, the people-pleasing, the overachieving, the emotional withdrawal they’re not who you are. They’re who you became to protect yourself from the pain of that core belief.

So, Can Core Beliefs Be Changed?

Yes, but not overnight. These beliefs are deeply ingrained, and shifting them requires both awareness and intention.

Here’s where you can start:

1. Pay attention to your inner dialogue.
   What are the automatic thoughts you catch yourself thinking? Especially in moments of stress, failure, or conflict?

2. Get curious about where they came from.
   When did you first start believing that? What experiences shaped that interpretation?

3. Challenge the belief with compassion and evidence.
   Ask yourself, Is this always true? What else could be true? Begin to gather real-life proof that contradicts the old belief.

4. Give yourself permission to rewrite the story.
   You get to update the narrative. You get to say, “That belief kept me safe once, but I don’t need it anymore.”

Reclaiming Your Power

If your core beliefs are life-affirming and supportive, great! there’s nothing to fix. But if they’re holding you back, keeping you stuck in cycles of shame, burnout, or self-doubt, it might be time to explore something different.

Whether you take a more structured route (like CBT and cognitive restructuring) or a more mindfulness-based one (like ACT and acceptance-based work), the goal is the same:

To stop letting outdated, disempowering beliefs run your life.
To reconnect with the truth of who you are before the world told you otherwise.
To lead, love, and live from alignment instead of adaptation.

Final Thought

The beliefs we carry about ourselves shape everything from our relationships, to our sense of self-worth, to our ability to thrive.

They’re powerful. But they’re not permanent.

So here’s your gentle reminder:
You don’t have to believe every thought you think.
You don’t have to live by rules that were written when you were five.
You don’t have to earn your worth.

You just have to be willing to meet yourself with honesty, curiosity, and compassion and begin the process of coming home.

And if you’re ready for support in doing that? That’s exactly the work we do here. You don’t have to do it alone. Discover more.